


beasts of burden

by arcanamagnus



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Victory
Genre: ...eventually, Ableism, Chronic Illness, Decepticon-Typical Casual Attitude Towards Violence, Developing Relationship, Other, Space Opera, Tragic Romance, i swear this is mostly cute and fun, now for some major themes/warnings..., okay fuck i honestly don't know how to describe this fic, past abusive relationships, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29419104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanamagnus/pseuds/arcanamagnus
Summary: Carnivac and Leozack meet with the shared purpose of having less hostile co-workers. Successive acts of kindness bloom into loving commitment, but deep-seated insecurities can overpower even the best efforts at clear and open communication.Or: A brief history of Carnivac of Biosfera and Leozack of Guard's failed engagement, from the one at fault.Written for Rare TF Pair Day, February 2021: Kindness/Commitment
Relationships: Carnivac/Leozack (Transformers)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8
Collections: Rare TF Pair Events 2021





	1. impressions

**Author's Note:**

> So! You finally get to know the story behind the romance subplot in "you and i were born for better things" AND a fine taste of Carnivac's own perspective. This story features a lot of overthinking Transformers gimmicks and lore, as is my brand.
> 
> This story also features these characters' physical and mental health at a way worse state than when they meet again post-War, though they are... certainly pushing through it, as best as they can.
> 
> Also, just as a note, Cybertronians' understanding of gender is at this point in no way influenced by human cultural norms, as this is very pre-contact. Carnivac and Leozack don't use the same pronouns because they are of different directives, though post-Earth they both use he/him because of their contact with humans. So, yeah, this is just my disclaimer for she/her Carnivac in this.
> 
> This was originally going to be a very long one-shot, but despite being at this for a month and a half I have yet to reach this story's end, so I've decided to cut it down into chapters, which will be updated daily until the story is complete. Currently 11k words have been written, divided into six of however many chapters.
> 
> Content warnings for this chapter include: armchair psychiatry, libel and defamation, and vague sexual harrassment by unnamed characters.

Carnivac came across his name the first time while scrolling announcements for job positions on The Big Conversation. She was currently out of an assignment — High Command and even intermediary command just didn’t know what to do with technorganic Pretender Beasts like her, too squeamish about her transmutable flesh, even if the beastial part was more easily embraced —, and was seeking out something to do from the safety of her temporary quarters in a Decepticon space station orbiting an unnamed gas giant in the Mirzam system. The search filters she had finally arrived at were “wrecking crew”, “long term assignment” and “specialised skills”, and this one caught her eye by its specifications.

  * _Positions open: 1-3 medical/engineering crew (cyberneticist preferred), 3-5 capable fighters (outliers welcome), 1 pilot for medium interstellar vessel_
  * Predicted time frame: 2-500 vorns
  * Housing: medium interstellar vessel; individual compact suites
  * Additional requirements:
    1. Pet friendly
    2. Basic ship upkeep literacy
    3. Respect for privacy
    4. If you’re here from a referral by Hellbat, Dreadwind and Darkwing, Slugslinger or Wingspan, I don’t fucking want you.



The crudeness of that last line made her chuckle. She did not know any of the mechs blacklisted or what they might have done to warrant such hostility from the announcer, but the rest of the specifications for this job made it sound quite agreeable. The announcement was posted under the name of a “Leozack of Guard” and, though the name was also not recognisable, the presence of both an animal element to the name and that particular demonym made her feel secure in a way. Other beasts, especially those colony-born, tended to be more comfortable with technorganics like her, more open-minded. The rather… vague time frame did not daunt her, not quite, but she would have to inquire whether that meant at least  _ two _ or at least  _ two hundred _ .

Before she could begin to import her qualifications though, she decided to run a small background check on this Leozack, just out of morbid curiosity. The first aspect to this check was to simply skim through his Autopedia page, see his reputation on the other side. It tended to have surprisingly up-to-date information regarding rank and affiliation, though it was often dead wrong in terms of temperament and many times included armchair psychiatric diagnoses meant to demean or demonise the targeted Decepticon.

Leozack’s basic profile on the database listed him as currently holding the rank of Captain under General Deathsaurus, and being around 6,000 vorns old, a half-beast Fury jet and of the prepare directive. Relatively ordinary, but quite young for such a rank, though not much younger than Carnivac herself. But this wasn’t what she had come to see, was it? Sighing deeply, she braced herself for the weirdly patronising, objectifying language these articles tended to carry, even if she just intended to skim it.

_ Leozack of Guard is a threat level B Decepticon officer most commonly known for his dynamic entries, erratic behaviour, and skill in armed close combat. _

“‘Erratic behaviour’,” Carnivac repeated out loud, just because it was a rather  _ common _ claim in these articles. She didn’t want to think about the one for herself.

_ Though a prodigy in leading troops, he is more often seen engaged in personally combating threats larger than himself rather than coordinating his subordinates to do so in the battlefield. Fringe evidence suggests he might possess a Point One Percenter spark, but such claims are often laid in doubt by how sparingly he is deployed by superiors. _

Interesting, especially the “source required” footnote by the first statement whereas there were no such disclaimers further on.

_ Leozack is known to closely associate with intelligence officer Hellbat, though the state of this relationship is ever-shifting. Other known associates include…  _

Carnivac hummed in recognition from the blacklist in Leozack’s announcement, but none of the other names were familiar.

_ Instances of collaboration with Autobots have been recorded, but only in dire circumstances, such as stranding. _

_ He seems to exhibit a pattern of attention-seeking behaviour, unstable emotions and unhealthy attachments that might suggest Histrionic Personality Disorder. Such claims are corroborated by first hand accounts from collaborators and captors, as well as the Decepticon rumour mill. _

“The Decepticon rumour mill” as a source for diagnosis. Incredible. That might be as much as she was willing to sift through this scrap at the moment, which brought her to phase 2: actually asking around, which she thankfully didn’t really need to leave her bed for.

Simple and to the point, Carnivac sent an anonymous message to the ornly scrubbed internal station servers:  _ What do you know about Leozack of Guard? _

She didn’t quite expect the feedback to be so instant and so vicious, though it easily seemed that such a response could be more accurately attributed to the nature of the responders than of the mech himself.

For starters, half the messages could not be read aloud to polite company, scathing and needlessly crude — many mentioning the blacklisted duo of Dreadwind and Darkwing —, and far too many complained that he was “weak” and “defective”, which was very much at odds with the evaluation of his battle prowess by the Autobots and the rank he held. She supposed Leozack had good reason not to want to work with anyone whose opinion of him was informed by those mechs, and to keep out those who would be inclined to gossip.

It was overall… a rather concerning picture, but Carnivac was known for her honour just as much as her gleeful violence. She knew ostracisation and needless targeting within one’s own faction, and she was much more inclined to side with the supposedly “weak” in these situations.

She sent the application.

* * *

Leozack’s response at the end of the decaorn was very polite — though a little stilted, as if he wasn’t accustomed to such manners —, and Carnivac was conceded a position in the crew of the  _ Lionheart.  _ The ship’s schematics and a crew manifest were sent to her once Carnivac confirmed her interest in the position, and a pick-up was scheduled within the quartex.

Knowing the type of things the mechs housed here said about Leozack when there were no perceived consequences, Carnivac decided to withhold details about her new assignment from those who pressed. Leozack  _ did _ ask for his privacy to be respected about this, and Carnivac would rather be cautious about it.

Thankfully the half quartex that passed before the  _ Lionheart _ docked was relatively uneventful, but the ship’s approach did prompt murmurs about its probable owner and whoever was “crazy enough to hit that” this time.  _ Absolutely distasteful _ , Carnivac thought as the ironic well-wishes surrounded her as she was summoned to board, but avoided the instinct to show her teeth at them.

She was greeted first by the engineer, a pleasant young mech named Gadget, and as soon as she was inside the order came to shut the entrance hatch and start arranging for take-off. Abrupt, yes, but Carnivac understood, and the sheepish smile Gadget gave her indicated the crew was well aware of that.

“You can meet the Captain right outside the bridge, just follow the corridor to your left!” Gadget told her, and squirreled away to the engine room with a friendly wave to prepare.

Carnivac followed her instructions, taking the time to admire the simple but clearly dedicated interior design in the ship, and soon she came almost face-to-chest with the half-beast jetformer she had come to find. Leozack was taller than she’d expected, just a bit larger than the standard for his size class, which was already one above Carnivac’s, and she had to take a few steps back to look him in the face.

“Captain Leozack of Guard, yes?” Carnivac asked, just out of courtesy, “It is an honour to finally meet you.”

“The one and only,” Leozack smirked, but in a distinctly playful way, “Have to admit I’m not too used to my presence being an honour though, might get to my head. Carnivac of Biosfera, right?”

“Yes, sir. The Pretender Beast, if you remember.” Best to get it out of the way, just as a precaution.

“Yeah, yeah, outlier as well, aren’t you? I was really excited with your application, I could use a little slugger like you.” The friendly punch to Carnivac's shoulder was soft, but it was easy to feel the controlled strength behind it. Carnivac decided she liked it, as much as she liked the crooked grin on those lips.

"Well, I am happy to serve. My teeth crave to taste victory again." 

It made Leozack laugh. "Speak fancy, don’t ya? I like that.” He paused on a smile before getting more serious, “Well, I can take you to your room so you can get all settled or you can come take a look at the bridge first, whichever you choose."

Carnivac gave it a second's thought, but ultimately chose the room. She didn't quite have many possessions she needed to unsubspace, but getting used to a resting place took a lot out of her, so it was good to get it out of the way.

As Leozack led her through the ship, Carnivac took the time to really take in her new Captain's visage. He had high cheek struts, facial seams curving gracefully over them to indicate that they were rounded instead of pointed; his optics were standard red, narrow and deep-set, and it seemed both pairs were functional and capable of emoting equally as well; his lips were full, but not perfectly kept, with a small bruise swelling his upper lip — a rather handsome face, all things considered, and not an unkind one, though it definitely seemed guarded and a wee bit haughty. She didn't focus too much on the body — ogling was not polite, she reminded herself, especially when a mech had reasons to take offence to it —, but she did notice that his chestplate seemed like additional armour, though it integrated nicely with the rest of him.

Leozack had been explaining the ship layout as they walked, and it turned out the pretty decoration was all his doing — something constructive to focus on while he waited for applications, he said. The path to the habitation suites was not difficult to learn, signalled by green tape on the wall, and soon they arrived at suite number 5, which was to be Carnivac's new home.

"It has a small private washroom adjacent to it, but more extensive decon facilities are in the lower level with the cargo bay and the meeting room. There's a window in there, but it's, like, one-way so you can see outside, but evil space monsters can't see in, if you're the type to worry about that." Leozack explained as he showed her the passcode for the door. "I'm not gonna just come in whenever I want, but contingencies or whatever."

Carnivac nodded, not really bothered by it. Whatever made him feel safe; she could easily maul unwanted intruders, even if they were her superior officer.

"But yeah, this is your room. If you need anything you can call Gadget in room 3 or me in room 1. I'm gonna call in a general meeting when we're interstellar so you can get to know the others, but you should have a few joors to settle in," he clasped his hands together and bent at the waist at that, a tight, awkward smile accompanying it, "And I'm gonna leave you alone for now. It's good to have you on the team."

Carnivac contained the urge to chuckle at Leozack's obvious excitement, and bid him a soft goodbye and expression of gratitude before letting the door slip closed. 

Then, in private, she let herself emote more clearly, a breathy laugh low in her chest. It was rather sweet how eager the Captain was to make a good impression, but it hurt her spark to think of the anxiety behind it, what might have caused it. She could presume he was used to mistreatment, and hoped to the Oracle that none of that would come to them in this assignment. There was potential here that shan't be wasted.

But those were big thoughts she could dwell on later, after the meeting. Now, she needed to check the room and adjust her belongings.

Carnivac shifted to beast mode and then transmuted herself to her fleshy Isarian glimmerwolf form. Comfortable and ready for action, she began her careful inspection.


	2. team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii, it's chapter two time!
> 
> CWs for this chapter include: vague Decepticon-typical violence, and vomiting.

The orns since her induction into the team passed without issue as they collected the remaining members of their crew throughout Decepticon-ruled space. Aside from the Captain himself, the first to have been picked up by the  _ Lionheart _ had been their pilot, a cranky birdformer named Twitch, who she heard had made a big deal of the marks of rough handling on the ship he'd supposedly found when he arrived ("I'm a jet, not a pilot!", Leozack argued). Gadget, the rather large Targetmaster who'd greeted her at first, had come right after, and then came one of the other fighters, the aptly named Hyperkill, a self-denominated second-born intellect liberated from the people of Zedaall by Decepticon forces. Those had been already on ship when Carnivac joined; they were all pleasant if dangerous mechs, not unlike Carnivac herself, and though their initial meeting had been very cordial, it seemed they all preferred to keep to themselves.

The mechs that had come after were no different in this aspect. Their medic, Voltage, was a skilled cyberneticist and an apt butcher if need be; they knew where to get at and how to do it cleanly without making a spectacle out of it, which was much appreciated. The third and last warrior in their group, Jetdagger, was a mysterious type with far too many blades adorning every single plate of his body; some  _ je ne sais quoi _ about him (and some of the preemptive research she had done beforehand) did make Carnivac uneasy, but the comparative firmness of Leozack’s casual touches on him showed that he had the smaller jet on a very short leash. At the end of the orn, Carnivac could say she had very few concrete issues with the teammates she was given, and she truly hoped they could make the best of this long term mission.

And the  _ mission _ . Though it had been explained in the original announcement, Leozack did insist in summoning a general meeting in the portion of the cargo bay he had dragged a round table into and called a meeting room to fully lay out the details of their assignment and the partnership it brought once all seven members were aboard.

Leozack had set a holoprojector on the centre of the table, right over a delicate crochet cover, and it cast the room with a wide projection of, according to the labels Carnivac could spot, disputed space. He stood by with a light pen on his hand, and waited for everyone else to sit down before testing his vocaliser and beginning his rather informal speech with a couple platitudes and thank-yous before getting to the thick of it.

“...My assignment and thus this team’s is to provide a small taskforce for sabotaging Autobot supply lines, swaying neutral civilisations and documenting resource availability throughout disputed territory. You might come here and think ‘hey what? I’m not qualified for this’, and to that I have to say that  _ I  _ personally think we’ve got a good variety of skills here, and that honestly I do not care for pretty and clean. I want results and I want a nice working environment I can sink a couple of centuries into before our success lands all of us a well-earned promotion. Everyone here’s got a good mix of might and guile, and that should be enough to make it work. Our first assignment will be to the Chalawan system,” he touched his pen to one of the stars in the projection, opening a view of its system, “to a small Autobot relay station called Empyrea Terminal. This one will be very easy. All we need to do is slaughter or incapacitate their crew of five and send a signal for a cleanup crew to come cannibalise their machinery. My… sources say it is a highly automated place with lots of stuff we don’t usually get on our side, so it’s a valuable point of attack. Twitch—”

The bird, predictably, twitched as his name was called. Carnivac had to shush quiet snickering by Hyperkill and Voltage.

“— has the route set there already and a constantly updating list of places marked for intervention. We’ll be taking them one by one, choosing the next based on our operating conditions at the end of each mission so it’s not as easy to pin us down. We’ll hold more specific strategy meetings as we approach over the next few orns. This vessel is very lightly armed, so it’s very important to keep at least our entrances well-coordinated.” Finished, he lowered his hands, clasping them behind his back and bending down slightly, friendly smile on his face. “Any questions, comments, concerns?”

In the end, there weren't really that many, not yet, but Gadget did remind him to distribute his full intel on Empyrea so that they all could study it, and soon the meeting was deemed finished and they were allowed to proceed to the feeding room to top up on fluids.

Leozack lingered, fiddling with a datapad to share their mission details. His shoulders and wings had visibly relaxed as the rest of the crew began filing out, and — perhaps against better judgement — Carnivac decided to stay as well, just a little.

“It was a good speech, Captain,” she said, running a hand over the crochet tablecloth, “Do you mind if I wait for you? For refuelling, I mean.”

The Captain’s wings rose in acknowledgement, and he stilled for a short moment before clearing his vocaliser, “Uh, yes, sure, you can stay. It’s not… a bother or anything. I’m almost done.” He licked his lips, still not looking directly at Carnivac, before completing, “I’m glad it all came across well; it’s been a while.”

“I had a question I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to put you on the spot, may I ask it?”

Leozack did look at her now, a weird twist on his lips, but said, “Yeah, whatever,” as he looked back down to his work.

“The table cover reflects the light beautifully when the projector is on. Where did you obtain this fiber?”

Carnivac was surprised to see Leozack’s optics widen as he hurriedly finished typing on the datapad and turned back to her, a clear energon flush on his face, but it did not seem embarrassed, just stunned.

“I… received it as a gift, from forming a successful trade accord with Lul’air. Was told it’s dogwool from Isar.” Leozack answered, a brow ridge crooked under his snout, “Why you ask?”

“I thought I recognised that sheen!” Carnivac beamed, “My transmuted form is patterned on a close relative of the Isarian wooldog. The local artisans make good work from it. It is nice to see it again.”

“Oh! Huh,” Leozack actually smiled, in a soft genuine manner very different from grandiose morale grins and tight polite smiles, “I’m not a super specialist in textiles and I’ve never been to Isar, but I like shiny stuff, like that one variety of iridescent underprocessed energon we have upstairs.”

“Excuse me for the presumption, Captain,” Carnivac spoke in a lilting tone, clearly enunciating her mirth, “But are you saying our supply of energon is underprocessed to satisfy your aesthetic preferences?”

“Oh no, that’s just a happy coincidence. My interplanetary market shares just weren’t earning enough for a ship this size  _ with _ a liquefying energon converter and more complex weapon systems.” Leozack answered flippantly, like his own frugality was funny to him. Carnivac supposed it was to her as well. “And I think I’ve kept you waiting long enough to get to that iridescent plasma, haven’t I? I’m done here, we can walk up if you want.”

“Yes, I suppose we can.”

* * *

Carnivac had to admit she was enjoying her blooming friendship with the Captain. The planning stages of the Empyrea mission came and went, and every time they lingered to talk about something or other, be it in the meeting room, the dining room or the corridors. They talked mostly superficial topics — little things that had no reason to be classified, but also no usual reason to be discussed —, and Carnivac wouldn’t fool herself into thinking Leozack trusted her completely. Ordinarily no Decepticon should ever fully trust another, but this felt different than that. In complete honesty, it felt as if Leozack was actively holding himself back from being too earnest. She tried not to think too hard about it; they had been on the same ship for a little over a quartex, they were friendly acquainted teammates and that should be enough, for both of them.

The aftermath of Empyrea was a good lesson in limits. Leozack hadn’t lied that the terminal was understaffed and mostly automated, but these same automated facilities proved to make it that much more difficult to take control of it. The meager Autobots knew how to manipulate them to do the bulk of the fighting, but, despite the injuries she’d sustained, Carnivac’s teeth had had the chance to taste death twice more. Jetdagger had managed to fry the control station through brute finesse at just the last minute, and Leozack’s unusual strength and even more unusual pet was enough to protect him from a rogue automaton.

In the end, they were injured, the station was trashed, but it had been a clearly delineated victory. Gadget got into contact with the nearest Decepticon splicer crew, and they would be there to collect the spoils within the decaorn.

What was unusual though was the way their Captain disappeared in the aftermath of the battle, trodding immediately back into the ship with an urgency unparalleled. Trusting in whatever comradery they’d built, Carnivac chose to follow; it wouldn’t do if the Captain was damaged and holding out on his own.

Entering the cargo bay, it wasn’t hard to sniff his trail. Horrible pained noises echoed through the ample space coming from the decontamination facilities. She followed, hesitantly, as the retching and coughing and groaning and gasping got louder and louder. She had Voltage on dial, at least.

There was no trail of energon, but the air reeked of it as she entered the bright white of the decon room. Bent over a sink on the far end of it, Carnivac found her Captain dry-heaving with a mottled mix of pink and iridescent energon staining his face, the porcelain and the mirror.

Before she could step in, the little pneumalion that Leozack’s breastplate had become stood defensively, growling at her to protect its master, and this must have alerted him, because Leozack’s tear-swollen face was now turned to her with a clear expression of unmeasured fear. Not one astrosecond passed before he had to turn away to purge something that looked much more like systemic energon than the unprocessed mess they ate here.

“Captain, I-” Carnivac began, unsure of what even was appropriate to say in this situation, “Is there something I can do to help you? Are you injured?”

Leozack tightened his fingers around the edges of the sink, vents sputtering past energon and filth, collecting himself, perhaps. He made a hand sign, a short swipe, and the pneumalion retreated, sitting by his feet.

“Just leave me alone,” was what he said, muted and raspy, like his voicebox had gone through a blender. “Tell Voltage to come in once they’re done with Hyperkill, but otherwise just… don’t talk about this.”

Carnivac hesitated a moment or two, but then Leozack started coughing again and yelled “GO”, and she immediately had to comply.

She lingered in the cargo bay, conflicting emotions torturing her spark. It was only fair that Leozack didn’t trust her, they had barely met, but she didn’t like that her comrade was hurt and there was nothing she could do to help. She was a killer, so was him, but right now they were  _ pack _ , and a good wolf took care of her own.

Taking a seat at the meeting table, paws still smarting from broken glass, Carnivac sent Leozack’s message to Voltage.

* * *

It was awkward after. They still talked, still discussed silly things whenever they happened to be in the same room, but Leozack was even more guarded, easily seen in his posture. Carnivac tried to make it clear that she thought nothing less of him after witnessing that - why would she? -, but it was difficult without addressing it directly.

But she needn’t get to that point, thankfully, as one night shift, some two tranquil missions later, they ran across each other in the feeding room. They were currently cruising on autopilot in interstellar space, so they were all given the opportunity for consistent sleep, but Carnivac got restless in the dark, and her tanks rumbled for a good snack of shrapnel. Leozack seemed to be of a similar mind, considering that she found him staring into a glowing cup of iridescent energon at one end of the thin table.

“Sir?” She asked, lingering by the entrance. “Hard sleep?”

Leozack’s four optics focused on her, expression neutral, before nodding.

“It’s kind of a recurring thing,” he said, “Needed a cup too?”

“I was hoping for something more solid to bite into, actually,” Carnivac responded, a soft curl to her lips, “But I suppose we could share a midnight drink.”

“Well, be my guest. Got nothing better to do either way.”

Carnivac got a cup from the small field generator and filled it with the iridescent not-liquid, optical field struggling to take in the colours in such a dark environment, and came to sit silently across Leozack, giving him the high ground in this conversation. The silence lingered for a few moments, but soon Leozack started talking of his own volition, low and soft:

“You didn’t tell anyone about Empyrea.” It was a statement, firm and measured, “I appreciate that. You must have been very confused.”

“I was worried. You seemed very unwell, and I did not want to make it worse with undue attention.” Carnivac answered him, also measured. “That didn’t seem like a typical injury.”

Leozack looked down to his cup, lifted it to his lips, and took a long sip before clearing his vocaliser.

“Yeah, it’s just... psychosomatic. Stress and effort hit my tanks hard. I usually have it under control, but… it’s been a while.” He put the cup down with a grimace. "Since effort, I mean. Have had plenty of stress."

Carnivac could imagine it, from her short research and the Captain's jumpy behaviour.

"Is it normal for you to start purging systemic energon as well?"

"Body's not right. Nothing about it is normal." Leozack kept it at that. Cryptic, but Carnivac decided not to press further. The word  _ defective _ , ugly and derogatory, used by his skeptics, came to mind now. Was this their qualm with him? Leozack was capable and sickly, and those weren’t characteristics supposed to coexist within the Decepticon worldview.

Still, this wasn’t something she felt they could continue discussing, not right now, so she tried something else that had been on her mind from Empyrea:

“May I ask you something else, less personal, I hope?” Leozack nodded, so she continued, “What does your connection to the little lion feel like? When it’s on you, when you release it, just in general?”

“Oh, huh,” Leozack smiled, “No one’s ever thought to ask before. I guess… Lionbreast is me and not me at the same time? When he’s on my chest he’s just part of my body, but when he’s out he’s like a whole other body that I only kind of control. Lion is mostly independent, like a trained hunting cat, but my mind can extend to his and his to mine. Not sure if that makes sense.”

“No, I think I understand it,” Carnivac reassured him. It wasn’t too different from… “Do you know how Pretenders work? Besides the basics?”

“I kinda get that you guys have the power to transmute your machine bits into organic tissue based on creatures you scan, and that sometimes you can produce a whole new organic construct outside you, but I honestly don’t get how it works at all.” Leozack finished with a little theatrical wince. “I’ve worked closely with a few, but I never really had the chance to ask.”

“That is essentially right. I can transmute myself an external body of my choosing, with my real form remaining inside, even when size-shifted. That skin is as mine as a real Isarian glimmerwolf’s is theirs.” Carnivac explained, making little motions with her hands as if to illustrate it, somehow. “If I choose to exit it, that form remains animated but is hollow, however it is still part of my body, I feel real pain if it is struck, and I might get close to death should it be destroyed. It is in no way independent like your small cat, but I must control it and my technological body at the same time. It is as me as it is a shell of me.”

“That’s… pretty cool,” was Leozack’s eloquent response. Confusion (or maybe disgust) was visible in the little crease between his optics, but the question that came was very much unexpected. “Can you… eat, like, meat, in your organic form? Like, can you process it for fuel?”

Carnivac chuckled. “I can. Do you ask because you wish you could as well?”

“Okay so,” he began with an amused face and a hand gesture, “I got stuck in an organic planet some centuries ago. Our converter was super malfunctioning, but the mech that crashed with me, a Pretender, didn’t look as bad off as me. Now that makes me wonder if those bird people fed her their food while I was toughing it out with a pint a day.”

“That’s certainly a possibility,” Carnivac conceded, almost as amused.

And they stayed up talking almost until the lights came back on in what passed for morning, energon almost untouched, discussing things closer to the spark than ever before. Carnivac’s hunger for shredding metal had completely left her as she became more and more convinced that her Captain must be the Empire’s most well-hidden uncut gem.


	3. friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3!
> 
> CWs for this chapter include: mentions of cannibalism and vomiting.

Quartexes became stellar cycles and soon stellar cycles became a full vorn. Carnivac could now certainly say she was the Captain’s good friend, as well as one to all other five tripulants of the  _ Lionheart _ . It was easy to grow used to each other, to learn their fighting styles and ways of thinking as well as their personal quirks and mannerisms. The ship was small, underequipped, but they were strong and cunning; their victories outnumbered their losses, counting at 294 to 47, and this was only vorn one of possibly  _ five hundred _ . Carnivac would love nothing more than to continue this life indefinitely.

There had been fights, incidents, of course there had been; they were strangers to each other at the beginning of this mission, and despite their best intentions it was impossible to keep full peace all the time. Leozack did have quite the volatile temper, even if he tried his best to keep it at bay with affected politeness, and clashed with crewmembers' own affectations and particularities when stress got to him. Carnivac hadn't participated in most of these arguments, the petty ones at least, but she wasn't immune to becoming snappy under pressure as well. Still, one vorn and no murders; a miracle among their kind.

In this spirit of miraculous collaboration skills, their mission’s anniversary was to be commemorated with a tiny bit of shore leave at a quaint little interplanetary outpost specialised for creatures of their size. It wasn’t the type of place one would typically associate with Decepticons — no gambling or bloodsports —, but it had nice food, pretty scenery and a booming market scene.

Jetdagger had been the first to disappear, his lithe, inconspicuous form soon getting lost in the crowd perusing the wares of a street fair, but time had given Carnivac some level of confidence that the silver mech would return eventually, though not enough on his ability to stay out of trouble. Hyperkill had been next, surrounded by a swooning group of indeterminate aliens who had become enamored with his build and valour after he successfully defended his autonomy before an organic Zedaallian. Gadget and Voltage split off from them right after, claiming to go check out a parts store, though Twitch helpfully pointed out they had actually gone into the bath and body supply shop right beside it. And Twitch… well, Twitch eventually got sick of the light and the noise and went back to the ship, which left Carnivac and Leozack alone on the marketplace, crew scattered to the wind.

The direction they should take became quickly evident as they both caught a whiff of  _ food _ . They’d upgraded the dispenser on the  _ Lionheart _ by stellar cycle 62, but there was a clear difference between ration energon and actual prepared meals. However, the scents that caught their attentions were very different in nature. Carnivac’s nose led her to a stand selling barbecued meat and vegetables of dubious origins but delicious scent, whereas Leozack had been attracted by the sweet, steely scent of sentio metallico and systemic energon, which might have had even more dubious origins.

She had learnt, over the cycles they’d spent together chatting about nothing at all, that Leozack was very much a voracious predator held back by societal constraints, in the sense that he liked to bite and tear and thrash every bit as much as a full beast and certified carnivore like Carnivac herself. He had an unsatisfied taste for mechanical flesh and blood, something he joked was a consequence of his first boyfriend having been a vampire bat, but he was too polite or scrupulous to tear into the corpses of their downed enemies with his perfectly sharpened teeth. Too much mech, not enough animal. But meals like these could presumably spare him the guilt of cannibalism, even if they often were much more likely to have come from a downed Autobot than from mechanimal livestock.

Needless to say, they checked that booth first, for something that they both could eat.

The mech operating the counter seemed to be a neutral — no marks of allegiance visible —, and whispered to their friend on the grill as they approached, which was never a particularly good sign, but Asterope-2 was enough under Decepticon influence that Carnivac would be in the right if she chose to retaliate.

“Pleasant afternoon, Decepticon overlords,” the counter mech opened with, a large smile on their face, “Even youse need to eat, huh?”

At this rate Carnivac wanted to eat  _ them _ , but Leozack intervened, arrogant tilt to his head and a smirk full of fang:

“Even we have to be civilised sometimes. Got two and a half beasts to feed here, gotta make sure I don’t have to suspend your license.”

The mech pointed out the various cuts of astroturkey, porcineacon and even warwhale sizzling on the grill, bragging about them being all ethically raised, delicious mechanimals. It seemed fine and harmless until…

“Wait, you still use shanix?” Leozack asked after the mech explained to him the price for the warwhale sentio metallico he was eyeing. “Shanix economy collapsed ages ago in the Empire. We’ve traded exclusively in interplanetary stocks since before I was born.”

“Well, it’s shanix or nothing, kid.” The grill mech interjected, shrugging.

And, well, then they caused a situation. Just a little one.

Lionbreast’s gun mode and a little show of fang and claw weren’t quite enough to convince the shopkeepers, but Carnivac’s organic mode instilled enough of a primal fear and disgust on those tin cans to make them reconsider. Leozack got his warwhale wrapped in a pretty takeout box, and Carnivac decided she’d prefer the organic barbecue a few tents down.

The meat was delicious and juicy, like nothing she’d tasted since at least five assignments ago. She’d had the opportunity to tear into a few organics during the  _ Lionheart _ ’s voyage, but nothing compared to the simplicity of street barbecue. Carnivac had been enjoying herself so much that she barely noticed Leozack get closer, sniffing her skewered meal with a look that seemed very foreboding of a stupid idea.

“Can I have a bite?”  _ And wasn’t she right? _

“You know you can’t actually digest it,” she pointed out, trying so hard to be the voice of reason here.

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve got the warwhale for. Either I’ll hack it back up or my filters will take care of it. Not like we don’t get organic impurities in the oil all the time.” And then the poor lost kitty optics, all four of them. “Just a bite?”

Carnivac ended up conceding. She swore someday Leozack’s “Fuel Reflux Nihilism” was going to kill her just from shock. Never had she met a mech so blasé about eating inedible things, contaminated energon or even literal poison. She guessed being used to stomach trouble did make one hardier about that, but to actually  _ enjoy _ it?  _ By the Oracle. _

Because of the commotion they’d caused in the previous stand, the organic who owned this one allowed their “esteemed Decepticon overlords” to eat on the house. Carnivac almost felt bad about it, but it wasn’t as if she hadn’t done much worse than not pay for a meal.

She very resolutely shut Leozack down when he was about to ask the organic for a second one, and reminded him he still had that warwhale to chomp on.

Overall it was good shore leave, even if Jetdagger got all smug that  _ he _ wasn’t the one to cause trouble this time. Still, Leozack’s huge piece of warwhale and the sweet-smelling body lotions Voltage and Gadget got were enough of a net positive that it all drowned out as they discussed where to go for mission 342.

* * *

Closer intimacy bloomed with time, a complicated game of Leozack giving too much of himself and then withdrawing once he noticed his overstepping, Carnivac trying not to infringe upon his space despite the ground given but still encourage him to open up, and then them arriving at a comfortable midpoint. It was not seamless, and fear of rejection on Leozack’s side and getting overwhelmed on Carnivac’s did make it difficult, but it worked. 

The aftermath of mission 696 had left them sore, dirty, and tired. Leozack, as the Leader, and Carnivac, as the technorganic, had had to deal with the formal parts of the diplomacy in Kraqjet, and it involved a whole deal of pit fighting and mud wrestling. It had been interesting and rather fun, but it was still a lot of wear and tear on their bodies and they were happy to return to the  _ Lionheart _ , alliance established.

The walk to decontamination wasn’t rushed, and Leozack leaned on Carnivac’s organic form as they took their sweet time getting there. His psychosomatic stomach trouble didn’t make an appearance this time, but he let slip that his insides hurt far more than his limbs and joints at the moment, which did render Carnivac very worried, but Leozack insisted it wasn’t unusual and that it could wait until they were clean. She chose to believe him — it didn't seem so farfetched from whatever bits and bobs of his… condition (?) he'd seen fit to tell her.

There, she propped Leozack against the wall in the shower area and turned on the cleanser spray with her snout. He groaned softly as the cool liquid hit his overheated body, and Carnivac whined a contented sigh as the mud began to wash out from her fur.

She hadn’t expected him to actually help her wash it off, fatigued as he was, but heavy, large hands soon came to help scrub and detangle the white fur until its opalescent glimmer was once more fully visible. The touch was careful and measured, and he seemed to take care not to let the hairs be pulled by his joints, which was much appreciated. At some point Carnivac could swear she felt a resounding purr coming from him even, as if this was enjoyable for him as well.

After she could no longer feel the weight of dirt on her, Carnivac transmuted herself back into her mechanical beast mode and transformed to bipedal mode. Now with hands, she returned the favour for Leozack, hovering close until he consented with a nod. The quiet rumble remained as they both worked on stripping the grime from Leozack’s plating, only stopping with a vocaliser glitch as Carnivac ran the sponge over the vents in his chest.

She pulled her hands away immediately, a polite apology on her lips, but Leozack caught one hand and held it as he explained that those were just sensitive, the slats prone to breaking:

“Just need a bit of forewarning with that. And, like, a gentler press, but just that.”

Carnivac still hesitated a little, but returned to cleaning the dust off the thin slats, more carefully this time.

By the time they were done, the rest of the crew had already assembled at the meeting table, animatedly discussing something or other, but they fell silent as Carnivac helped Leozack stumble to his rarely used chair. She presumed they must’ve been surprised by how much this seemingly simple mission had taken out of him, but the suspicious way Jetdagger looked at her when Leozack began debriefing, voice as clear as any other time, made her metaphorical hair stand on end.


	4. favouritism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CWs for this one.

It was vorn 6 when Carnivac noticed that there was maybe something actually off about the Captain's behaviour towards her. Familiarity and security had long melted down his uneasy walls of anxious restraint, but an off-colour comment from Voltage made her realise he acted  _ too familiar _ with her now, and that she didn't dislike it.

It wasn't like it was anything  _ inappropriate _ , Leozack just had a different gleam in his optics when Carnivac praised him, and he accepted her strategic advice far too easily. That last part did bother her, just a bit; Leozack was very particular about how he conducted his operation and he defended his methods emphatically, even more now that he  _ knew _ them and wasn’t trying to worm his way into their good graces, but he had little fight when it came to Carnivac.  _ Favouritism _ , Voltage had called it, and Carnivac very much did not want it to tarnish the team’s operation.

But she enjoyed it — was flattered by it, at the very least. It was nice to be appreciated and listened to rather than be treated like a mindless animal and/or killer all the time, and it was a true injustice that it wasn't more common. Everyone in this ship was respectful to a degree, but the odd kinship she’d found with Leozack was something special — for them both, it seemed.

She honestly didn’t know how to act about it. Should she bring it up? Do something about it? What does one even  _ do _ in this situation?

A more helpful heads-up came from Gadget, a few decaorns and a mission later.

"You know," the engineer began as she helped realign Carnivac's hip joint in the medbay, "I think the Captain likes you. It's honestly kind of cute."

The true meaning of it did pass through her brain module, but Carnivac’s own internal issues shut it down immediately.

“We are good friends and I am a loyal subordinate,” she evaded, “I do imagine a mutual ‘liking’ would be in order here, just like there is between all of us.”

“You know what I mean!” Gadget chided her, nicking a wire, “He, like, really likes you. As in romantically. Don’t act like you don’t see it.”

She  _ could _ see it, yes, but it still was an uncomfortable concept. Not because she had no reciprocal interest, but because—

“This is wildly inappropriate!” Carnivac growled as she sat up, struck with the urge to transform, but stopped by her dislocated joint, “I am not… an adequate suitor. For anyone.”

It felt strange to actually say it, and the look Gadget gave her made her feel small. Carnivac was a murderous technorganic beast with too tight an honour code whom most other Decepticons kept at arm’s length and thought to be outright  _ disgusting _ . She was not a creature made to be loved. The elders at Biosfera had long made it clear that her kind was imperfect, a failed attempt at balance by Cybertron’s great Oracle, too tainted by Vector Sigma even when created off-planet through the unholy combination of sentio metallico and organic ichor.

How quickly appreciation grew into shame when faced with the prospect that one’s investment in her might be due to her own person rather than her dutifulness.

Gadget placed a placating hand on Carnivac’s thigh, putting enough pressure that it would stop trembling, and moved so that Carnivac had to look at her.

“That’s far from true and, even if it wasn’t, Leozack is not exactly the type of mech people actually want for a long time either. And I don’t mean this unkindly, he’s a great captain, it’s just the reflection of a lot of harmful slag our kind cultivates as normal. I’m sure it’s been the same for you.”

That made some degree of sense, but it was still strange to consider. She still had a hard time understanding just  _ how _ mechs could talk about Leozack the way they had in Mirzam when he was so disciplined, even with his boundary issues. But it was true that his worthiness in deeper connections was as questionable in the Decepticon view as hers.

“What do you suppose I do with this information, then?” Carnivac asked, depleted.

“Whatever you want to do with it, I guess. I don’t think you’re uninterested, but it’s still up to you if you want to confront him on it, or accept it if he does you.” Gadget assured, “Both of you deserve good things. Take that into account. Also  _ please _ lay back down so I can put you together. Don’t make me call Voltage.”

Carnivac sighed and did as she said, the concept still echoing in her head. What would a relationship between an imperfect technorganic and a defective half-beast even look like? She kept wondering as the engineer worked away at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Organic ichor" is a fancier proper name for the Beast Machines organic goop!


	5. something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand 5!
> 
> only CW for this one is vague allusion to past abusive/unhealthy relationships

It still took two more stellar cycles for either of them to make a move. Carnivac was still working out her eligibility for romance and affection, and Leozack was just… guarded, as usual. A bit of further discussion with Gadget a few times they were assigned together helped her better understand Leozack's "reputation" — hungry for intimacy, easy to manipulate,  _ easy to break _ —, and how recent relationships had encouraged him to become more cautious with his spark and chassis, which might account for how much subtler his displays of affection were now compared to tales of the Leozack of old. It made her uneasy to talk behind his back like this, but it seemed to be common knowledge, and it was all for the sake of approaching this from the most considerate angle possible, which should exempt it from being considered impolite gossip.

Overall, it made her consider things. She liked Leozack, liked the attention he gave her and the moments they spent together, and she could not deny finding him attractive. Becoming even closer to him, doing whatever it is that couples do, did sound appealing, even if she had little prior experience with this type of closeness — all she had in her book were fleeting romances with the other strange beasts of Biosfera in her youth, and nothing more after her formal induction into the interplanetary war. All in all, it was worth a try, and if it didn't work out she had the tact and emotional stability to let him down gently, unlike those who'd come before.

Carnivac chose to strike on another sleepless night during an interstellar cruise period. She had been pondering it in the feeding room rolling a thin metal rod between her teeth when Leozack walked in, stopping at the empty doorway with a curious lilt to his wings and a soft light to his tired optics.

“Hard sleep?” He asked, a gentle curve to his lips.

“I was expecting you, actually.” She admitted, putting the little rod down on the table. “I wanted to ask something of you, but active shifts seemed hardly appropriate for it.”

"Yeah, I get that. Do you mind if I grab a coolant bottle first?"

"Not at all," she smiled, "I think I could use one as well."

"Rrrighto," Leozack trilled as he grabbed the bottles in the cooler on the floor and placed them on the table, taking a seat across Carnivac. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Personal matters, really. Concerning the two of us."

“Oh,” Leozack’s optics widened, and then a little crease formed between them, “What is it?”

Carnivac reset her vocaliser and cycled her vents before beginning:

“I find that I really enjoy our relationship and that I really admire you as a person and a friend. I would not like to lose that,” she made clear right off the bat, “With that in mind, I would like to confirm my observations that you might… hold romantic feelings for me.” 

Leozack’s face tightened, like he was embarrassed and uncomfortable, so she quickly amended: 

“It is not a problem if you do. The opposite, really. I would be very happy to enter a more affectionate relationship with you, that is, if I am reading this correctly.”

The spreading hopeful expression on Leozack’s face as she spoke was beautiful to witness, brow ridges rising at the center and mouth opening slightly as a light flush came to his cheeks. As she finished, an aborted high pitched whine left his vocaliser before he could begin responding:

“I- yes, you, uh, totally read this right. I’m…” he trailed off, “Just not very good at this, at all.”

“Well, neither am I,” she responded with a slight smile, reaching for his hand that had curled into an anxious fist on the table, “I suppose we could work together to learn.”

His hand curled around hers, a light pressure with a lot of body heat to make up for it. The other rose to hide his face.

“I suppose we can.”

* * *

They chose to take it slow, carefully letting their relationship evolve at a natural pace, but now with the certainty that this was wanted. Of course, Carnivac always made sure to ask before trying something new or whenever she was uncertain, and Leozack made it no secret that he appreciated it intensely, despite his tendency to go by what he could infer rather than making a verbal request.

The first few decaorns of it weren’t much different than the ones that had come before, but they both had had a glow and joy to them that did not go unnoticed by the rest of the crew. Gadget had been happy, giving them a private aside in congratulation; Voltage and Jetdagger did not speak up about it, but the smug air from them was noticeable; Hyperkill had been more bold, straight up slapping them both on the back with his  _ very _ loud approval; and Twitch… Twitch warned them both to try keeping it down, since his room was next door to Leozack’s and he was noisy enough on his own — they talked about it later, but Leozack made sure to tell her it didn’t bother him  _ much _ , and that he did yell too loud while playing video games.

The development of allowing casual and purposeful touch, of making time for each other, of spending time together in each other’s living quarters was slow and deliberate, and Carnivac could now say without a doubt that she held much loving affection for Leozack, and she could tell he felt similarly.

It had become a habit for them to gather in Leozack’s room and listen to audio dramas and other forms of artwork that did not cease production with the War. Leozack had told her that he just found pre-War media to be too far removed from his own experiences and worldview, that he didn’t have the baggage to truly comprehend it as a warborn Decepticon from the colonies, and thus he did not like to consume it for entertainment. Carnivac agreed to a degree; she did like studying the olden days, but her selections were often the secret writings collected by the cult of the Oracle rather than the mainstream productions of the Golden Age, and she much preferred something lighter and more mundane when she needed to unwind.

They were listening to a beautiful piece of bucolic beast prose when the urge came to her. Leozack was warm at her side, hand mindlessly skimming over her waist as he listened attentively with his optics almost fully closed — he looked exquisite like this, so disarmed and trusting and comfortable. So she carefully put a hand to his face, so close to hers, and asked:

“May I kiss you?”

Leozack’s optics opened slowly, soft and full of feeling, but his gaze soon fell, fang biting into his lip.

“Oh, uh,” he winced a little, an apologetic grimace, “Maybe not right now, but you can ask me again some other time.”

“I will keep that in mind.”

“You could…” he trailed off, looking to the side, “Would it be okay for you to get into organic mode? I like the feel of your fur, and I know petting is nice for you.”

Carnivac hummed, amused, and sincerely enamoured with the fact that her boyfriend liked the part of her that too many rejected.

“I would love to.”

* * *

The mission immediately following this first request led them to an ocean moon in need of surveillance. Leozack and Jetdagger flew low with their scanners over as much of the planet as they could, while Carnivac and the others helped Gadget set up deep geological evaluation instruments in one of the meager landmasses. The idea was to test the theory Leozack received from his "trusted source" (Hellbat's occasional unwanted texts bouncing ideas off of him, she'd learnt) that Amansinaya-4c had a sentio metallico mantle like extant hatchery colonies, but this one seemed to be moot, according to the inconclusive data on the electromagnetic scanners.

Well, they were here already and the organic inhabitants were neither sapient nor aggressive, so they decided they might as well take the time to relax.

The scenery was gorgeous — the sky and the sea had a distinctive pink tinge to them, and the sand at the beach was a pearly white and so fine that it ran smoothly over their feet and through their joints. Carnivac had sat herself at the waterline, admiring the motions of the waves and of the strange creatures riding them, and soon Leozack came to join her.

“Rather pretty for a dead end, ain’t it?” He joked, laying his hand next to hers, “Will be a bother to report back though.

“Yes, it’s quite a pity. I would love to return here. It almost feels like,” she drew in a deep air intake, “Like it’s alive, but not how other colonies I’ve been to were alive.”

“Huh,” Leozack’s brow furrowed in thought, “What do you mean?”

“Not exactly sure myself. It feels like home. Like Biosfera, but rather more like it feels like what Biosfera feels when compared to fully mechanical planets. This feels like it’s rife with organic ichor, like the tales say of Cybertron’s core.”

Leozack’s wings and eyelid twitched, like he just had a revelation, and he stumbled back onto his feet in a flash.

“Sorry, I just—,” he turned his head away, calling for the main group next to the test drill, “Gadget! Try drilling deeper, set for organic material detection. I think…” his shoulders slumped, relieved, “I think this may not be as dead an end as we thought.”

And it wasn’t. Their instruments did find a wealth of ichor further down, which marked this planet as a potentially useful source of transorganic weaponry for the Decepticon army and as one more victory on the  _ Lionheart _ ’s belt.

Voltage’s announcement of the positive readout had Leozack so elated that he lifted Carnivac up in the air with a hug, loud joyful laughter echoing through the open air.

“You’re a slagging genius!” He told her as he held her a little farther off to look at her face and then, more serious, but still with that breathless joy evident on his face, “Can I kiss you?”

This was Carnivac’s turn to laugh, as she leaned in and pressed their smiling lips together.

As perfect a first kiss as any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates past this one are going to come slower because writing is hard and i really don't want to leave y'all on a bad note after chap 6 (which is a very heavy, very long one), sooo expect chapter 6 in one week, and hopefully 7 one week after that


	6. baggage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back at it with chapter 6! As I've said before and as the title implies, this is a heavy one.
> 
> Content warnings include: mentions of past sexual abuse within relationships, discussions of sex, anxiety-induced acid reflux, fairly in-depth discussions of religion, existentialism, religious guilt, sexual harassment, and non-graphic (but still potentially disturbing) depictions of violence.

As they approached their one vorn anniversary, they had made many advances, but one thing neither knew how to approach was the topic of… well, more involved intimacy. Passionate kissing on either of their beds was very much allowed, but it never went to anything beyond that. Carnivac was not particularly bothered by it in her own interests — she didn’t have that much of a libido and she could easily take care of herself —, but her background knowledge and Leozack’s own admissions made her feel just a little bit strange about it. Leozack was afraid of fully trusting her with his body because he’d been ridiculed and made a spectacle of by mechs he had thought loved him because, as he put it himself, his body was  _ wrong _ . 

Carnivac truly believed she could never betray him so intimately, but she understood his caution as much as she loathed its reason for existing.

They had stopped by another Decepticon outpost — a space station orbiting Adhara and its companion — for supplies and filing formal reports, and that it was just the decaorn of their anniversary was very fresh on Carnivac’s mind. She thought of getting him a nice gift, maybe some high end cuisine to properly celebrate it, and Adhara Station had many pretty things she could look over, especially since she wasn’t in an administrative position in their crew.

Over the passing orns, she had decided on gifting him a high-quality audio file of The End of the Universe II, a pair of shimmering pillows for his bed, and an artesanal flame-bladed knife with a holographic finish and a built-in stun function. She’d really had to shell out on her shares for those (some very rude Mercenaries had set up a hedge fund against one of her chief earners! The brutes.), but she hoped Leozack’s reaction would be favourable to them.

When the orn itself came, Carnivac waited primly in beast mode on the loading ramp to the  _ Lionheart _ for Leozack to come back from reporting relevant findings to Thunderblast. She’d had half a mind to accompany him, but he insisted that the Admiral had a penchant for “making it weird” and that he didn’t want to expose Carnivac to that. Well, that just meant she had the time to spend even more shares on a nice meal they could partake in together, waiting pretty and safe on Leozack’s desk.

Leozack came home with a gorgeous smile on his face, confident gait turning into a lilty jog as he spotted her.

“Fancy to meet you here,” he joked as he pet behind her ears, let her lick his hand, “What could  _ possibly _ make you so excited to see me, huh?”

She rumbled a hoarse laugh at that, converting to robot mode to properly kiss him. He accepted it gladly, lifting her up a little so she wouldn't have to strain her actuators to reach him. They kept it chaste — too many did regard Leozack's love life as entertainment, Carnivac remembered — and left further affections for inside the ship.

Their crewmates had chosen to leave them alone for their little celebration, so they walked to Leozack's room unencumbered, discussing how they'd found the station so far and what they'd been doing in their time apart.

"I have… been preparing, these days." Carnivac admitted as they punched in the code for the door, "I wanted to show you how much I appreciate the trust you placed in me."

Leozack's optics sparked lightly, a gentle display of emotion, as he leaned down to nuzzle his helm against Carnivac's. No words from him, but she understood — she knew being verbally kind and affectionate didn't come so smoothly for him, but physical affection was a language they were both well-versed in.

As they walked in, the fragrant smell of Carnivac's special treat filled the air: a large red velvet oil cake, with mercury sauce filling to boot. It hadn't been easy to procure it, what with such indulgences being held as wasteful, but she knew when to show a bit of transorganic gore for good causes. Leozack's warm reaction was sweeter than any cake could ever be.

That same high pitched whine that came from his vocaliser at their mutual confession made a new appearance — an interesting if awkward involuntary expression of joy —, his wings fluttering as he crossed the room to sniff it more closely.

“Where did you even get this?” He asked with a silly grin, dipping a finger into the red icing to taste it, “Looks real good.”

Carnivac chuckled, “I have my means. And that’s not all I’ve got for you.”

This little show and tell occurred with no issue, the gifts being to Leozack’s taste, though he did say he had read some very scathing critique of the sequel to The End of the Universe back on The Big Conversation’s entertainment forums. They ended up discussing that with a pillow on each of their laps as they shared the cake, up until Leozack had to stop himself because of fuel reflux.

“Ugh, sorry, I’m just stupid nervous about my… not really gift, but still important thing I wanna tell you?” He explained after succeeding at keeping it down, but not enough for his face not to sour with the taste of filter backwash.

“You don’t need to apologise,” she assured him, a hand on his thigh, “And I promise you don’t need to be nervous. Do you want to wrap up the cake so we can talk about that? I’ve just about had my fill.”

“Yeah, that’d be,” he coughed, “A good idea.”

They did so, putting the cake back in the box it came in to take back to the pantry later, and then they sat back on the edge of the bed, as ready to have that conversation as they’d ever be.

Silence lingered for a moment as Leozack steeled himself to talk, looking down, face squished in thought.

“Okay, so,” he choked out, finally, “I know I’m not an easy person to get along with and I’ve got crazy hang ups with stuff, but you’re always so respectful with me and never treat me like I’m stupid or crazy or weird and I appreciate that  _ so much, _ so I wanted to say I—,” he stopped in a swallowing motion, probably the reflux coming back, “I trust you. I really, really do. So I think we could— We could lay some ground rules and talk about stuff and I’d be… okay with easing into, y’know, ‘facing, if you want.”

“Do  _ you _ want it?” She made sure to ask, voice as soft as she could make it. “I don’t need that in a relationship, I’m content as we are, but I  _ would _ be interested in interface if you feel you do need or want it.”

“I— I do want it, yeah.” Leozack admitted, a weird grimace on his face, “I  _ like _ the intimacy, I miss it, but my brain’s still all fucked up and weird about it and I—," he hissed, "I want my life back, you know? I want to enjoy things again. And I trust you with that.”

"Then we certainly can try, at whichever pace you prefer," Carnivac concluded, reaching for one of Leozack's hands, willingly given, "I love you very much, and I want nothing more than for you to feel safe and cared for."

Leozack's hand tightened around hers, and he used it to pull her into a tight, warm hug. Pressed into his chest, she could clearly hear his vocaliser's static feedback as he murmured his gratitude.

* * *

Future anniversaries didn't hold as much fanfare as the first, but by the fifth Carnivac had all but fully moved into Leozack's room. Most of her trinkets stayed in room 5, and she did still sleep there whenever they had a big disagreement or needed personal space, but most shared off-shifts were spent cuddled in the slightly larger bed in room 1, Lionbreast at their feet.

Carnivac had always preferred to sleep in organic mode, but it was a genuine surprise to her how well Leozack took to it. Carnivac was in no way used to her transorganic form being in any way desirable, much less in a tactile manner, but Leozack had a genuine fascination for the texture and optical effect of her fur, for the alien geometry of her body against his chest. Five vorns of dating, eleven of friendship, and it still baffled her.

She supposed it was only fair though. Carnivac’s sense of self was plagued by being torn between general Decepticon anti-organic sentiment and Pretender devotion to the pre-technological transorganic ideal, but Leozack was able to love and care for her despite it, just like his own sense of self was deeply influenced by being ostracised, objectified and inferiorised for his physical and emotional needs, but Carnivac loved him all the same. They had much to learn from each other, far beyond just knowing each other’s bodies and battle strategies.

One thing that stuck to her mind was a late night conversation about religion. She'd long gotten used to Leozack's odd hours and insomnia issues, so it was perfectly casual of them to speak of contemplative matters late in the night shift, while all others were certainly asleep.

It began with a question about Leozack's choice of expletives, be it in heated moments or for comedic effect.

"Does it not… pain you to sullen your god's name like so?"

Leozack looked very confused at this, lifting himself up on one arm on the bed to fix his concerned stare on Carnivac, in beast mode on the floor.

"I, uh, no?" He answered, unsure, "I can cut it out if it bothers you, but I thought you guys actively denied Primus? Y'know, for being technocratic revisionist slag?"

“Oh, you don’t need to stop for my sake,” Carnivac said, “It’s just very different from how I was taught to treat our deity. I do invoke the Oracle’s name when needed, but I cannot stomach the thought of offending it. I am enough of an affront to it as is.”

The concerned crease of Leozack’s brow only grew, and he climbed down from the bed to sit on the floor with Carnivac.

“Okay, uh, I know I can’t tell you how to feel about god or whatever, but,” Leozack began, hands held in front of his chest, “Do you want to know how  _ I _ got to where I’m at theologically?”

Carnivac lifted up her ears and laid her snout on her paws. “Go ahead.”

Leozack blinked slow, restarted his vocaliser, and then began: 

“I didn’t really grow up with a strong religious presence like you did, but mechs still talked about Vector Sigma and the Matrix and Primus. I’m not gonna tell you the whole thing about it because I figure you know, but the thing is: I never felt connected to either of these things. I’ve never set foot on Cybertron; I didn’t come from Vector Sigma or the Matrix, I was made in a  _ lab _ , and I wasn’t even made well. My body hates me so much that they couldn’t even fix it when I got my full-frame reformat. Being alive  _ hurt _ , but I was also just so terrified at the notion of dying one day because I couldn’t figure out what’d happen to my spark. Again, I’m not from Vector Sigma. I’m not from the Matrix. I’m just a fusion reactor with a radiation leak. So in complete denial I just totally started denying all of our religion. Which was, like, super maladaptive or whatever, but I was really young and super edgy.” He shifted, a little, tested some audio feedback, and continued, “But then the Fortress siege happened. I lost my sister. I lost most of the mechs I grew up with. I was, like, a whole mess of anger and grief and existential problems, and… Hellbat was not helping. At all. Like, our whole reaction to this situation couldn’t have been more different. So we broke up, for, like, a really short while, but that time alone really was a bit of a life changer. I was so angry, and I had nothing to direct it to. I could direct it to the Autobots, but I also hated the Decepticons for making me. So, uh, I turned to Primus! In exactly the opposite way most people do. I absolutely,  _ viciously _ hated the guy. And, well, over time my overall stance mellowed because, like, I'm more than well aware that there are individual mechs I can blame for my life being slag, so I’m not angry at the very thought of god or an afterlife anymore, but y’know. My thing now is just that I am not beholden to a god that hates me. I am not liable to him in any shape or form, because I am not of him. I am of Guard.” He paused, very deliberately. “And you are of Biosfera, and if you were taught that your god hates you, you don’t have to be beholden to it if it only ever hurts you. You can afford to yell ‘Primus fuck’ when a video game jumpscares you.”

Carnivac allowed herself to ruminate on it, a deep canine sigh sounding from her chest. She was in no way ready to forsake the Oracle, even just use its name in vain, but Leozack's perspective made a degree of sense, as much as her fearful inner voice told her the universe would punish her for so much as thinking of it.

"Too much?" Leozack's sheepish voice asked, tooth sunk into his lip.

"A little bit, yes," she admitted, "But I will keep it in mind."

"It's okay, I know it's a sensitive topic. Do you wanna get back to bed? Just feel stuff for a moment?"

Carnivac's tail and ears perked up.

In the end, Leozack ended up petting her belly until she was so pleasantly overstimulated that she turned to bipedal mode to kiss him, all turmoil forgotten for a few joors.

* * *

In the aftermath of mission 3,852, Carnivac supposed it really had been just a matter of time until both their fears came back to haunt them, more than just inside their own heads. This was their first time being summoned to assist in an active invasion, in the volcanic world known as Pyrovar, and in hindsight, they probably should’ve known better.

The call this time didn’t come through Hellbat, but directly from Deathsaurus himself, unannounced, on the Bridge communicator. Leozack was back to his stiff politeness and what he called  _ the voice _ — higher pitched, deferential, achingly subservient — for the duration of the impromptu mission brief, and the full-body rattling and subvocal roar that came once the connection was cut signalled his anger.

“This was supposed to be  _ my mission _ , under  _ my _ command. I’m no one’s fragging  _ backup _ ,” he’d told Carnivac, still overheated with rage, in their bedroom later that night. Leozack didn’t sleep, not even one wink, until he crashed in the middle of active shift two orns later. From then on Voltage insisted on applying a temporary timed shutdown in Leozack’s coding, which made him more functional than no sleep, but still twitchy and erratic. 

The remaining four orns until they reached Pyrovar were some of the most stressful in the thirteen vorns of their voyage, but they were nothing compared to the actual mission. Well, actually, the mission itself wasn’t that bad, but the squad they had to assist on the other hand…

One member Leozack had growled at at first sight, going up to them with all the vindictive rage of a caged lion against its keeper.

“They really shouldn’t have had the nerve to put me here with you, Wingspan,” he hissed, holding the mech up by the neck against the wall.

“Heh, wrong Clone,” the mech scoffed, a growing smirk on her face, “Wingspan is too damaged to be here this time. Tell me, are you naturally as flexible as the pictures show or did they have to mod you?”

At this Leozack slammed her against the wall, subvocal roar shaking every mech in the room, all frozen solid in place as Pounce continued digging herself deeper with sordid comments until Leozack truly snapped. 

Now both Clones were damaged beyond use on this mission, and Leozack’s teeth had first tasted true violence. It wasn’t as beautiful to witness as Carnivac hoped, and that Leozack had come crying to her on their off-shift had truly broken her proverbial heart, but now the rest of the mechs in this team knew that Leozack was off-limits, and that he  _ was _ as freakishly strong as the files said.

But it did not end there.

The assault on the planet’s crystalline lifeforms’ most significant settlements went as planned, Decepticons victorious, but after their monarch was turned into gravel one Decepticon in the raid team turned against Carnivac’s organic shell, which she had sent out to boost their numbers.

He kicked the shell in the stomach, strong enough that the artificial glimmerwolf flew several mechanometers away. In another room of the palace, Carnivac collapsed.

The onslaught did not stop there. The mech — Quake, by the voice — used all of his might and that of Gadget’s gun mode to fully destroy the construct, all while the unwilling Targetmaster cried and pleaded for him to stop, transformation locked. He yelled about filthy organics, the disgusting spawn of the Quints all the while, and the combined physical and emotional pain was enough to throw her into stasis lock where she stood, allowing the Pyrovians she’d cornered to get the upper hand on her.

To say Leozack was not happy was an understatement. She didn’t know exactly what he did, to Quake or to any of the members of the assault squadron, but she woke up still in beast mode in the  _ Lionheart _ ’s medbay, already at the edge of that star system.

Leozack was there, sitting on an unoccupied stretcher, arms crossed over his legs. Carnivac transformed, and that had him stand to attention, stumbling to her bed at incredible speed.

He didn’t even stop to exclaim a happy “You’re awake!”, just wrapping his arms around her with all the strength he could muster — which ended up being more than her injured body could handle.

“Too tight,” she reminded him, and once he loosened his grip she pulled him in for a desperate kiss. Leozack tasted very unpleasant, distinctly like filter backwash, but she didn’t care at this point — it just served to show that he had also been very bad off.

Carnivac only pulled away when her body started to hurt again, and pressed her head under Leozack’s chin, spent.

It passed distantly in her mind that they’d need to treat her with organic ichor for her to be able to transmute herself once again, but she’d have to tell the crew later because the most pressing matter on her mind was entirely another:

“Did they do anything else to you? Is Gadget alright?"

“I’m fine, just a little dented, broke a few slats,” he answered, very careful and letting the soothing purr coming from his chest resonate through her, “Gadget is gonna need some time off. She was very disturbed by what Quake did to the two of you.” He paused, and a hot current of air blew from his vents, “I was thinking of… I don’t know, us all taking some time off. We’ve done a lot for the Empire over the past few vorns and our own mechs still treat us like trash. I’m just so sick of it.”

“Oh,” she mouthed it more than said it, “Where do you suppose we go?”

Leozack sighed again.

“I honestly don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I must leave you at this sort of cliffhanger, as chapter 7 is still under construction - missing the February 14th deadline for the whole thing made it less pressing -, but I promise it is a softer one, coming whenever it is ready. I'm going to allow myself to work on my other ongoing fics a bit as well, since I know I've kept you all waiting for too long.  
> Either way, farewell for a bit! See you next update!


End file.
